Is This Love
by shootingstar46
Summary: Ross proposes to Rachel right after Joey confesses his feelings for her--who will she choose?~FINALLY FINISHED!!~**PLEASE READ & REVIEW!!!**
1. The Lucky Ten Percent

Okay, I really don't see the need to go thru this EVERY time but here goes: I don't own any of the characters in this story, if I did, I would be very rich and would not be writing stories on the Internet for the heck of it, lol. BTW- This fic takes place back when R/R were still dating, but Rachel lives with Joey. I know at that point she hadn't moved in yet, but it had to be like that for this story…it is called fan FICTION u no, so I can do that!!! Anyway, here's the story:  
  
  
"Joey!" Rachel stormed into Joey's room, flashing on the light.   
  
"Rach, what's the matter…it's three o'clock in the morning." He asked groggily, rubbing his eyes.  
  
"Remember how I told you that I think I have the flu, and how I've been really nauseated lately?"   
  
"Well, yeah…why?" He asked, wanting to go back to sleep.  
  
"Well, not only am I nauseous, but I'm...uhh…I'm…"  
  
"Rach, would you just spit it out already?" He implored.  
  
"Well, it's kinda hard to say, but I'm…Joey, I'm…late."  
  
"What could you possibly be late for at three o'-ooooohhh!" He grew wide-eyed, finally catching on. "You mean you're---"  
  
"Yes, I think I am." She sighed, grabbing hold of her forehead, not sure how this could have possibly happened.  
  
"Well, Ross is the father, right?" He asked apprehensively, knowing what chaos could form if he wasn't.  
  
"Yes, he is." She snapped, relatively offended that he thought she might be cheating on Ross. "But I don't want to tell him."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Not until I'm sure. So please, don't tell anyone." She requested.  
  
"Rach, I know this isn't the best time, but how did this happen? I mean, shouldn't you have used protection?" He tried to be sensitive, not wanting to make her worry more.  
  
"Well, yeah we did, but it's only 90% effective so…I guess we were in the lucky ten percent."   
  
"They are not!" He said in disbelief.  
  
"Oh, yes they are. Haven't you ever read the package?" He looked at her like 'are you serious?' "Okay, dumb question."  
  
"90 percent, huh?"  
  
"Yeah, so if that's accurate, and ten percent of the women you've slept with got pregnant, you'd have…" She pretended to calculate the sums in her head. "Let's see that's about…You'd have about 10 kids by now." She joked, trying to take the focus off the accuracy rate and convert it the fact she may be having a baby.  
  
"Haha." He scoffed.  
  
Suddenly reality came back and smacked her in the face as she thought about her predicament. "Oh, my God, Joey. What am I going to do? I can't raise a child, I just can't handle that."  
  
"Hey, don't worry about it. It may seem difficult now, but once you hold that little baby in your arms, and you realize that it is completely dependant on you, that you are responsible for a life, all your apprehensions diminish because you know then that you love that child more than anything. And you know that there is no way you can mess up this time because you love that baby too much. I know, I was there when my nieces were born, and it is the most amazing feeling in the world. Trust me, Rach, you'll make a great mom. And Ross will always be there when you need help, he's a great dad to Ben, plus you have Chandler and Monica and Phoebe…and me. And we will all support you through anything."  
  
"Oh, Joey, thank-you so much. I never knew you were so…sensitive." She smiled at him realizing he was so much more than her room mate the dimwitted actor she had seen before. He smiled back at her and rubbed her back soothingly. She cuddled up to her friend for comfort.  
  
"Joey, I know Ross will want to be a part of the baby's life, but do you think he's ready for…you know…commitment?"  
  
"You mean like marriage?"  
  
"I guess. I mean, if we are having a baby, shouldn't we get married?" She thought out loud.  
  
"Well do you really think that's the best reason to get married? I mean, do you love Ross?" He tried to help.  
  
"I think so, I don't really know. I'm just so scared and confused right now, I don't know what I want." She let out a sigh of frustration.  
  
"If it helps, I know Ross is really in love with you. You're all he ever talks about. It's actually kinda annoying." He glanced away in retrospect, hoping a little bit of comedy would cheer her up. She disregarded it, a little flattered that Ross felt that way about her, and also a little relieved that at least she wouldn't be alone trying to raise this child. But, then again, it also intimidated her a little bit. She wasn't sure if she really loved Ross. He was a great guy and all, and she loved being with him, but Chandler had both of those qualities and he was just a friend. Was that what Ross was, just a friend?   
  
Not anymore. It was too late. If she was in fact pregnant, she would have to just make the commitment, for the baby. She wasn't going to make the child suffer through having to go back and forth from two different homes because of her and Ross' mistakes.   
  
She was getting ahead of herself. First of all, she didn't even know for sure that she was pregnant, and it was too early in the relationship to be talking about marriage if she wasn't.  
  
"So Ross really said that?" She interrogated, trying to sound interested, in a means to distract herself from her thoughts.  
  
"Yeah, he did. But Rach, if you don't feel the same way, don't sacrifice your life for the baby. A lot of kids grow up with separated parents, and they turn out just fine." He advised.  
  
"How is it that you always know what I'm thinking?" She wondered. He laughed, not knowing how else to respond. He was always like that with her, he always knew exactly what she was thinking without her having to say a word.   
  
"Thanks, Joey." She said, looking up at him, slightly pulling from their friendly embrace.  
  
"For what?" He asked.  
  
"For being such a great friend, when I needed one the most." She smiled, laying her head back down on his chest, seeing the 'no problem' look in his eyes as he grinned at her. He heard her try to hold back the sobs of anxiety.  
  
"Shhhh…it's going to be okay, I promise." He comforted. He turned off the light on his nightstand, laying down, with her by his side, knowing she really needed his support, even if all he did was lay next to her for the night.   
  
  
A/N: So what'd you guys think?!? It's not done, obviously, just starting, actually. I promise it will get more eventful in later chapters, but I had to set up the mood. I'll try to post the next chapter ASAP, but I might be a little more motivated if you guys review…positively anyway!! *hint hint* lol 


	2. Positive or Negative?

Hey guys! Thanx for the reviews, but I would just like to say that this takes place around season 3 or 4(that is around when R/R were dating rite?) even though Rachel wasn't living with Joey then, but she is in this fic. Also, I know Joey is a little outta character, but it's 4 the sake of the story so use ur imagination!  
  
  
  
The next morning, Rachel woke to the smell of eggs and bacon. She drowsily stumbled out into the kitchen to find Joey cooking breakfast.  
  
"Now there's a sight I thought I'd never see." She joked. He definitely looked the part of a chef, even thought this was the first time Joey had EVER cooked. He had a chef's hat, and an apron, he looked absolutely ridiculous. Rachel couldn't help but giggle.  
  
"Pretty cool, huh?" Joey bragged, grinning. "So are you hungry?"  
  
"Have you ever met a pregnant woman that wasn't?" She tried to sound sarcastic, but Joey could easily tell she was still upset.  
  
"Rach, you don't know that yet." He tried to comfort her, waving a spatula in her face. "We're going to go out and get a pregnancy test today and find out for sure." She smiled at his concern.  
  
"What's this brown stuff?" She asked, pointing to a bowl of…well…brown stuff.  
  
"Uhhh...well, that's eggs." He stuttered. To her questioning glance he replied, "Yeah, my first batch didn't go so well."  
  
"You know, suddenly I'm not so hungry anymore." She concluded.  
  
"Just eat it, I spent an hour making this for you." He lectured.  
  
"Oh, Joey, that's so sweet. You didn't have to do that."   
  
"I know, but you needed some cheering up." He said gently. "Plus Monica's not home to cook this morning so I had no choice." He added as Rachel giggled, shaking her head. 'Yep, typical Joey', she thought.  
  
"Joey, that was delicious!" She complemented after she finished eating.  
  
"See, you lived, right?" He joked.  
  
"That I did, but I have to be going now. I better pick up that test. I have a date tonight with Ross, and I want to know for sure so I can tell him." She explained, putting on her coat. She opened the door and paused for a moment. She turned around after a moment.  
  
"Joey…" He looked up from his plate. "Do you think….you could…ummm… would you mind…coming with me?" She reluctantly requested. "For emotional support. It's just, this is really nerve wracking for me and it would really help me if you were there. I know it sounds stupid and immature of me to want you to come to the store with me to pick up a…."  
  
"Rach, of course I'll come with you. And I don't think it's stupid or immature. I think you're handling all this very well, you're so strong Rach, and I'm really proud of you. I want you to know that." She smiled. The two left the apartment and returned about forty-five minutes later.  
  
"Oh, hi, Rach." Ross chirped as he bumped into the two in the hall.  
  
"Ross!" She shouted alarmed. "Hi!" She said after a pause.  
  
"What's in the bag?" He asked curiously.  
  
"Oh, ummm, that's, Uhhh…" Rachel stammered.  
  
"HoHos!" Joey chimed in.  
  
"HoHos?" Ross asked, confused.  
  
"Yeah, you know how Joey can't live without those things." Rachel laughed.  
  
"So, you two had two go out TOGETHER at eight in the morning and buy HoHos?" He interrogated the suspicious duo.  
  
"Well, Joey never gets the brand I like so I thought I should go with him to…get...the...right kind." She stuttered and nodded in confirmation of their story.   
  
"Right." Ross reluctantly bought the story, with a confused look on his face. "Anyway, I was just coming over to tell you that I have to cancel our date tonight because I have a thing down at the museum, but can I take a rain check?"  
  
"Oh, sure, how about next week on Friday?" She suggested, hurriedly trying to get rid of him.  
  
"Sounds great." He smiled, kissing her on the cheek. Now she was really confused. Last night, she thought she didn't love him , now she thinks she might, and round and round she went.  
  
"That was close." Joey commented. Rachel sat there, looking at the package.  
  
"Rach, I know you're scared, but even if you are pregnant, you won't be alone." He once again tried to comfort her.  
  
"Joey, I'm not afraid of being pregnant." She paused momentarily. "I'm afraid of what it might mean for Ross and me." She admitted. "I'm afraid it'll bring us together, set us apart…either way, I'm not sure what I want. This all just so sudden, and I don't know if I want to be in that serious of a relationship right now." She explained, frustrated.  
  
"Rach, you don't have to make any decisions right now. You and Ross have only been dating for six months, and trust me, he'll understand if you're not ready." He reassured. "But first, I think you should take that test." She looked at him and nodded, heading toward the bathroom.  
  
"Twenty more minutes." she announced, looking up from her watch, nervously twitching and fidgeting.  
  
"Rach, calm down." he advised. "Can ask you something?" He finally blurted out, trying to distract her.  
  
"Sure."  
  
"Aside from the Ross factor, do you really want a baby?"  
  
"Of course I do, I have wanted a family since I was like ten…I just didn't want it to happen like this." She regretted. Suddenly the timer went off that she had set.  
  
"Oh, my God." She looked apprehensively toward the bathroom. "Joey, I can't do this, you go look." She begged.   
  
"Okay." he agreed. He emerged from the bathroom, the test in his hand. He looked at it carefully, Rachel wincing in nervousness. "Rach, it's…negative." He looked up to see her reaction. She looked blankly into space. Suddenly, a single tear rolled down her face, followed by another, and another.  
  
"Oh, Rach." He ran to her and hugged her. "It's okay. Don't cry."  
  
"Joey, I don't even know why I'm so upset. This is going to make everything so much easier and less complicated, right ? She asked, seeking his support. "It'll be better this way…won't it?" She tried to hold back the tears, not knowing why she was crying.  
  
"Of course, Rach." he confirmed. "Don't worry, you're not even thirty yet, you have your whole life to have a family."  
  
"Joey, do you think I should tell Ross? It's not like it's a big deal now, I'm not pregnant so…" She paused, awaiting his advice.  
  
"I don't know. I don't see any reason why you shouldn't."  
  
"Right." She replied. She was a little hesitant to tell him. She thought he would be angry that she didn't come to him in the first place, that she felt more comfortable telling Joey than him. But, then again, if he ever found out, he would think she didn't trust him. Joey does have a problem with keeping his mouth shut.   
  
Joey hugged her and she felt so much better. She finally decided she might as well tell Ross. She just wouldn't mention the part where Joey knew before he did. But, she should definitely tell him…or should she?"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
So what do you think? Should I continue? I promise a big surprise in the next few chapters!!! If you review that is!! 


	3. Different Things

"Rachel, are you okay?" Ross inquired. They had been at he restaurant for almost an hour and the only words he could rip out of her were a meek 'yeah, okay' and 'uh-huh' as she pensively stared aimlessly into the air. "You seem a little distracted."  
  
"Huh?" She finally awoke form her daydream and made eye contact for the first time all night.  
  
"Do you want to talk about it?"  
  
"About what?" She avoided the topic.  
  
"Rach, what's going on?" He was a little concerned.   
  
"Nothing, I'm fine." she smiled.  
  
"You know, sweetie, you can tell me anything. I'm here for you." He tried to pry it from her, but it was no use.  
  
"Thanks, but really, it's nothing. I'm just not feeling very well." She lied.  
  
"Do you want to go?"  
  
"Yeah." She replied. The night had been a complete failure. Why was this so hard to say? She just wanted to go home and cry. Cry about her. Cry about Ross. Cry about everything.  
  
  
  
  
  
"So how'd it go with Ross?" Joey inquired as she walked into the apartment.  
  
"Fine." She stuttered, staring at the ground. He exhaled, feeling her frustration.  
  
"Rach, it's not a big deal. You're not pregnant. If you don't want to tell him you don't have to. But why is so hard for you ?" He wondered.  
  
"Oh, Joey, I don't know!" She cried meekly, crawling into his arms. "Before, Ross and I were having so much fun, and were so happy together. But then, I thought I was pregnant and I didn't know if there was a future for us, because it kinda scared me to think of Ross and I married…but I don't know why."  
  
"Rachel, that is completely understandable. It's too early in your relationship to be thinking about marriage and commitment, and of course, that's going to freak you out a little. Now you don't have to think about that because you're not pregnant. You can just go back to normal." He hugged her, and heard his own heart break. He realized at that moment, that he was falling and love with Rachel. He wanted to tell her right then and there how he felt. But he couldn't. Ross loved her, and he couldn't hurt his best friend like that. Besides, its was just a crush, it wouldn't last…right?  
  
  
***1 Year Later***  
  
"Chandler!" Joey shouted, as he bolted through the door of Chandler and Monica's apartment to find him at the kitchen table.  
  
"Hey, What's up?' He asked, taking a bite of his sandwich.  
  
"Chandler, I have something really important to tell you, but you can't tell anyone."  
  
"Sure, Joe, what is it?" There was a long pause as Chandler stared in concern and Joey worked up his courage nervously.  
  
"I think I'm in love with Rachel." He blurted out with a sigh of relief. 'Finally' He thought to himself. He had been waiting a year to say that, or for his feelings to go away, but that was defiantly not happening.  
  
"What?" His eyes grew wide as he heard his best friend use the 'L' word for the first time in his recollection.  
  
"I know, I know." He held his head in his hands as he saw the 'Oh, my God, are you crazy' look on Chandler's face.  
  
"Joey…Rachel and Ross are happy and in love and you can't just go and…" He exploded.  
  
"Chandler, I didn't need you to tell me that. It's just been so long and I've wanted to tell someone for months." He interrupted.  
  
"Months?" Chandler asked, shocked. Joey nodded.  
  
"About a year now." He admitted. "I was hoping that after Rachel moved into Ross', it would be easier, but it just made it worse, I just can't stop thinking about her.  
  
"Oh, my God, Joey. I'm sorry. I don't know what to tell you." He said sincerely. He could see the heartbreak in Joey's eyes. It made him think of him seeing Richard and Monica together, and made him think of what life would be like if she was still with him, and he could see in his Joey's gaze that that was exactly how he felt. He hugged his friend to comfort him. He heard Joey sniffle as he wiped a tear from his eye. Chandler knew exactly how he felt, he was there, and it killed him to see it happening to his best friend.  
  
  
***1 Week Later***  
  
"Can't you guys help me?" Monica whined. "It's your Thanksgiving too!"   
  
"We could." Joey looked at Chandler and they both laughed loudly and turned back to the football game.  
  
"Very funny. You know, if it wasn't for me, you wouldn't have a Thanksgiving. The least you could do is peel some potatoes." She lectured.  
  
"Maybe at halftime." Chandler agreed, looked at Joey, and once again, they both howled in hysterics as Monica mumbled insults under her breath.  
  
Rachel staggered through the door, crying. "Rach, what's the matter?" Monica asked, setting down a mixing bowl.  
  
"Ross and I had a fight." She sobbed. "I think we just broke up."   
  
"Oh, Rachel…that's awful." Joey sympathized sincerely. Although he thought he wanted this to happen, it killed him to see her so upset. He wanted her to be happy, even if it wasn't with him.  
  
"What happened, sweetie?" Monica asked with deep concern in her tone.  
  
"I got angry because he's always canceling our dates for work and he got angry because he thought I was being selfish and then we yelled and screamed…I think we just want different things." She concluded as she bawled.  
  
"He broke up with you over that?" Chandler asked , confused. It didn't seem like Ross to him.  
  
"No, actually I broke up with him over that." They gave her a questioning glance. "I just don't think love should be this hard, you know? I don't even know why I'm so upset. I guess I just thought that this would be the one that would stick. But still, I've kinda been waiting for this for a long, long time. I just had this hunch that I was in love, and I thought that that was all that mattered. But…maybe he wasn't what I loved." She thought out loud.  
  
"What do you mean?" Monica wondered.  
  
"I don't know. Maybe I was in love with the idea of being in love, and not really being in love with him. Or maybe I loved him in the beginning and now that's faded and I miss what we used to have. Or maybe I'm wrong and I still do love him." She began to cry once again. "Monica, I don't know, I just don't know." She sobbed.  
  
Ross never showed up for dinner. Rachel cried a lot, and Monica and Phoebe cried with her. Joey was miserable because Rachel was, and Chandler was just depressed because everyone else was. It was another memorable Thanksgiving for the gang. After dinner, Monica, Rachel, and Phoebe went out on the balcony to talk.   
  
"So…?" Chandler began once the girls left.  
  
"So…what?"  
  
"What are you going to do?"  
  
"Nothing. Chandler, I don't how I feel about her, I can't do that to Ross. Relationships don't always last, but friendships are forever. They'll probably get back together anyway. And even if they don't…I just…"  
  
"Joey, that's very considerate of you, but don't you think this has been going on long enough? You have been completely in love with her for a year. You can't just pretend it's nothing. This could be something amazing, Joey. Think about it. I know you don't want to betray Ross, but he and Rachel are over. You can't let the past stop you form your future. At least tell her how you feel. Don't waste your life wondering what might have happened." He advised.  
  
"Maybe you're right." He considered Chandler's words carefully. "But maybe I should at least wait a while to see if they get back together."  
  
"How long is a while?"  
  
"Five years?" He said, shrugging.  
  
"Joey…" He admonished.  
  
"Look, Chandler, I really value my friendship with Ross and I don't want to ruin it." He snapped.  
  
"I know that, but if he's really your friend, he'll understand. You can't just stop being in love. Ross is better than that. He wouldn't be mad at you because he's jealous because you have what he used to. Give it time, that's fine." He said. "How about Christmas?" He suggested.  
  
"Too soon." Chandler scoffed in frustration.  
  
"Valentine's Day?"  
  
"Why is this so important to you?" Joey wondered.  
  
"Because you're my friend and I can't stand seeing you like this." He admitted.  
  
"Fine." Joey agreed, touched by his concern. 


	4. Valentine's Day

It was Christmas. Rachel had just started to get over the whole thing, but then the holidays came. She was alone, and depressed, not sure if she did the right thing. She just wanted to get over it and move on, but she missed being in love. She missed her friend.  
  
Ross hadn't been around at all. He avoided the coffee house, Monica's apartment. They missed him, but they knew it would save a lot of awkwardness. They just hoped he'd be back once this all blew over. Rachel wanted him to come back more than anyone. She knew she would feel better once her and Ross could put the past behind them and become friends again.  
  
Joey could hear Rachel crying in her room almost every night. And every night, she came to his room for comfort. So many nights, he told her that it was going to be okay and she would find love again someday, and so many nights he wanted to tell her that he wanted her to be in love with him, but he just couldn't. Valentine's Day.  
  
  
***Valentine's Day***  
  
"So Joe, today's Valentine's Day." Chandler hinted.  
  
"I know." He breathed in deeply, knowing today, if he could work up the courage, would be the day that decided whether his fantasies of the last year would come true.  
  
"What are you talking about?" Monica asked, staring curiously at the two.  
  
"Oh, nothing." Chandler retorted, forgetting Monica was sitting next to him. He tried to sound casual, but the sleptical look Monica flashed at the nervous-looking duo suggested she wasn't buying it.  
  
"What's going on?" She insisted.  
  
"Well...I ummm....we....uhhhh...well...you see..." Chandler was at a loss for words, for once.  
  
"Chandler, you might as well tell her." Joey gave in. "It won't be a secret for much longer anyway."  
  
"What won't?" She was becoming impatient.  
  
Chandler glanced back at Joey, who gave him a hesitant nod of affirmation. "Well, Joey has had a 'thing' for Rachel for a while now and is going to tell her today." He explained.  
  
"Oh, my God1" She grew wide-eyed with excitement. "And, on Valentine's Day...that is so sweet!" Joey smiled at her approval. "So exactly how long is a while?" Monica inquired.  
  
"About a year now." Chandler replied.  
  
"A year? Why didn't you tell her?" She began to shout.  
  
"Because she was with Ross at first and I figured it was too soon after they broke up until now." Joey chimed in, explaining for himself before Chandler could cut in. Moinca wiped a tear form her eye. They guys gave her a questioning look.  
  
"Joey that is just so sweet and romanitc." She sighed, hoding her hand to her heart. The bells on the door of the coffee house clinked together as Rachel entered. She sat down on the couch next to the other three.  
  
"Oh...uhhhh...Monica we have to go." Chandler stuttered, looking for an excuse to get Joey and Rachel alone together. He grabbed her by the arm as she questioned him as to why they had to leave. She wanted to stay for the good part, but Chandler dragged her out with him.  
  
"Are they okay?" Rachel wondered why they were acting so strangely.  
  
"Uhhh... ya I guess."Joey replied, half-heartedly, trying to go over in his mind how he would go about his. He had been waiting a year to say this, and it had to be perfect. "Rachel, we have to talk." He began, his voice cracking in apprehension. "There's no easy way to tell you this. Rachel...I think I'm in love with you." He blurted out. She looked at his in disbelief, he wasn't sure what she was thinking. "Rach, it killed me to see you with Ross, but I didn't want to ruin what you two had, or ruin my friendship with either of you. I just kept all these emotions bottled up for over a year and I know it's too soon and it's not what you want, but I just couldn't keep doing this."   
  
"Oh, Joey." She gasped, bringing her hand to her mouth. "I...I don't know what to say." She said after a pause.  
  
"You don't have to say anything. I just had to get it out." He said, and quickly got up and left before he could embarass himself anymore. He felt awful. He actually thought that might have been the start of something. As he walked out the door, he found Monica waiting outside. She had been peering in the window the whole time, after escaping Chandler's grip.  
  
"Oh, Joey, what happened?" She asked, knowing by the expression of disappointment on his face that it didn't go well.  
  
"Nothing really." He replied somberly.  
  
"Oh, sweetie. I'm so sorry." She hugged him.   
  
  
***Later That Day***  
  
  
Joey walked into the coffe shop, finding Rachel stll there on the couch, seemingly deep in thought. "Rachel, hi." He sat down next to her. "I just want to tell you that what I said earlier, don't worry about it, I understand. I just don't want it to ruin our friendship. I just had to say it because no matter what I did, all I could think about was you, and I knew it would never stop until I told you. But, now it's all behind us, and I don't expect anything to happen, I just want us to be friends again." He tried to explain.  
  
"No, Joey, I've done a lot of thinking and I..."  
  
"Rachel!" A raspy, panting voice shouted as a man bolted through the door.  
  
"Ross." Rachel gasped in astonishment. 


	5. An Unexpected Request

"Rachel, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!" Ross shouted, embracing her tightly. She had to wipe a tear from her eye as she rested her head on his shoulder, not sure whether it was a tear of joy or resentment.  
  
"Sorry for what?" She pulled from his grip to look at him, assuming she had been the one at fault.  
  
"For not treating you better, for not being there when you needed me, and most of all, for letting you go." He replied, taking her hand into his. "I have been miserable these last few months, Rachel, and I know it was because you weren't there. I couldn't see or talk to you. It was like I was empty without you, and I don't ever want to feel like that again, and I know that if I'm with you, I never will. Because you fill that hole inside me, Rach. I love you." He knelt to the floor, shuffled around in his pocket, and said, "Rachel, will you marry me?" He blurted out, holding out a ring. His heart began to melt at her hesitant stare. He had been waiting for months to do this, and was sure they would be together again. He thought she loved him, but that look on her face suggested that maybe she wasn't sure anymore.  
  
"Ross…I…I…" She began to cry forcefully as she pulled her hand from his, having no words to describe her shock, her uncertainty, her anger, her joy. She ran from the coffee house seeing the devastation in Joey's eyes, not sure what to think or what to feel.   
  
Ross remained kneeling on the floor, hurt and confused. "Joey, what just happened?" He whispered, nearly inaudibly. "Is there another guy she's involved with?" He asked timorously, after a long pause. Joey looked at him with panic and apprehension. "Oh, my God." Ross' voice trembled in shock, as he laid his head in his hands. "Who is it?"  
  
"Ross, you don't want to know that."  
  
"Joey, nothing could make me feel any worse than I already do." He pleaded.  
  
Joey swallowed hard. "Ross, it's me." He finally admitted.  
  
"What?" He gasped in disbelief. He looked deep into Joey's eyes, praying it wasn't true. He couldn't have possibly fathomed that Joey, of all people, would betray him like this. "Joey, how could you do this to me?" He shouted, with anguish in his tone.  
  
"Ross nothing happened, really." He began. "I just told her how I felt about her, and then you walked in."  
  
"Joey, I thought you were my friend." He argued in disbelief.  
  
"You have been gone for months, Ross. No one knew where you were or when and if you were coming back. Like it or not, you screwed up." He defended himself. "You really hurt her when you walked out like that. She cried for weeks over you. She was just starting to get over this whole thing and here you come barging back into her life."  
  
"I needed time to think. But now I know I still love her. I guess I just didn't expect my former best friend to…." He began..  
  
"Jesus, Ross. I hope we're still friends." He interrupted. Joey's friends had always been the most important thing in his life, and he couldn't bear to lose that.  
  
"Joey, I love her. I was ready to come here and devote myself completely to her for the rest of my life only to find out that she doesn't want me anymore because my best friend told her that he loves her. How do you expect me to deal with that? Do you honestly think I can sit here and look at you two together, knowing it could have been me if I would have come a week earlier?" He shouted.  
  
"Ross, I know, and I'm sorry. But please don't leave again. I missed you. Everybody has missed you." He admitted sincerely, as he walked over to him and hugged him comfortingly.  
  
***Monica's Apartment***  
  
Rachel walked in sobbing, running to her best friend. "Oh, my God, Rachel, what's wrong?" Monica embraced her.  
  
"Ross asked me to marry him!" She whimpered.  
  
"Oh, my God! Ross is back?" She perked up with a grin. "Oh, sorry, but why exactly is that bad?" She said as Rachel's face twisted in anguish seeing Monica's expression of delight.  
  
"Because Joey just told me he's in love with me!" She blew her nose as tears furiously streamed down her face. Monica's face turned pale in shock.  
  
"Oh, Rach. What are you going to do?" She whispered through her astonishment.  
  
"I don't know." She shook her head, looking blankly at her. She had hoped Monica would solve this problem for her and give her advice like she always did, but this time she just sat there looking at her in confusion. "I guess I'll have to choose one of them." She resolved.  
  
"Who?"   
  
"I don't know….I just don't know." She began to cry again as Monica embraced her in sympathy. She knew this would be the most difficult decision of her life, and she had no idea whatsoever how to go about making it. So she cried into Monica's shoulder, devastated by the day's events and terrified of what was to come. 


	6. The Decision

***Joey and Rachel's Apartment***  
  
"Rachel! Where have you been?" Joey awoke and flew out of his chair as he   
heard the door shut.  
  
"Oh, sorry, I spent the night at Monica's…I was kinda upset." She admitted   
solemnly.  
  
"Right…I understand." He nodded his head, trying to be supportive. He was   
fixated on the pain in her aimless gaze. "Rach, I am so sorry…for all of   
this. I had no idea that Ross was coming back and I never meant to put you   
through any of this. I'm so sorry." He hugged her as he saw tear drip down   
her already grief-stricken face.  
  
"Joey, it's not your fault, it's nobody's fault." She rested her head on his   
shoulder. There was a pause as each absorbed the other's sorrow and found   
comfort in it; soothed by the feeling of knowing they weren't alone.  
  
"To be honest with you…" She interrupted the silence and then hesitated. "I   
was about to tell you the exact thing you told me…before Ross walked in."   
She admitted boldly. "Maybe I still feel the same way…I just don't know now, I'm so confused…I just need time to think."  
  
"Rachel you don't have to think about anything. I know how hard this must be   
on you, and it kills me to know I'm the cause of it. I just want to you to   
be happy." He stroked her hair gently.  
  
"Thank-you so much for understanding, and for being a great friend. That's   
something I need now more than anything. That really means a lot to me." She   
smiled at him.  
  
  
***Later that day, at the coffee house***  
  
"Ross. Hey, we really need to talk." Joey swiftly entered the coffee house, in   
search of Ross, before he changed his mind. "Ross…you should be with   
Rachel."  
  
"Wait…wh--wha--WHAT?" He stuttered in confusion.  
  
"I just can't stand what this is doing to you and Rachel, to me and Rachel,   
and to you and me." He thought he just wanted everything to be over, but as   
he said this and saw the elation in Ross' eyes, he felt like crying.  
  
"Joey, I-I-I don't…understand. I mean--why?"  
  
"Because I can't stand feeling like I'm competing with my best friend, and   
competing OVER my other one. I just feel like no matter what happens, I'm   
going to lose someone very important to me, and maybe this way I won't." He   
managed to it blurt out, convinced it was for the best, for everyone. But   
why should something good make him feel so awful?  
  
"Joey, I…"  
  
"Oh, you know what…I have to go. See ya later." He rushed out of the   
building before Ross could say a word.  
  
'Oh, my God. What did I do?' He was almost in tears. Joey had never loved   
anyone before, but this had to be real, because for the first time, he   
wanted Rachel to be happy more than he wanted himself to be, no matter how much   
it hurt.  
  
He couldn't go back to the apartment. He couldn't go there and see Rachel…at   
least not yet. He wandered around the city, looking for some distraction,   
hoping to make himself forget at least for a little while. But, all he could   
think about was Rachel. 'I don't know if I can be around to see Rachel and   
Ross together for the rest of my life, but at least I'll still have my two   
best friends.' He silently weighted the consequences of his actions.  
  
***Joey and Rachel's apartment***  
  
"Rachel!" Ross marched through the door.  
  
"Ross." She got up out of the chair, hoping she wouldn't have to deal with   
any of this now.  
  
"I can't take this anymore. Rachel, this is driving me crazy. I can't live another minute not knowing whether the love of my life is going to chose me or my best friend. Joey just basically told me that you and I should be together and I think he's right, Rach. I love you, and I know you used to love me too, and I think you still do." He leaned in and kissed her.  
  
"Ross, stop this." She pushed him away. "You're right...I USED to love you. But, you hurt me, and you're too late. I love Joey now." She began to cry at the look of heartbreak in his eyes. "I'm so sorry Ross."  
  
"No, Rachel. Please, don't do this. I love you, and I'm sorry I hurt you. I promise I will never..."  
  
"Ross, I know you're sorry, it's not about that. When you left me like that, you broke something that you can never fix, not with any number of apologies... you broke my heart, Ross." She tried to explain.  
  
"No, I know you still love me because it wouldn't have been so hard to choose if you didn't." He placed his hands against her cheek, trying to ignore her words.  
  
"Ross, it was hard to choose because I was still in love with the idea of being in love with you. I was in love with the you I knew before you left, but now i realize it's not the same you."  
  
"Yes, it is. It's me, Rach." He tried to hold back the tears that just kept coming. He would not give up on her. He really did love her and he really was sorry. But it wasn't good enough. He kissed her one last time and this time she didn't pull away. She knew she would miss that kiss, but she also knew that her and Ross weren't just meant to be.  
  
"Hey, I just need to grab my..." Joey stopped in the middle of his sentence as he saw the two kissing. Without another word, he turned and walked out. 


	7. Joey Disappears

"Joey, wait!" Rachel shouted as the door slammed in her face. She cupped her head in her hands as she sat down, knowing she may have very well ruined any chance of her and Joey…and it was all Ross' fault.  
  
"It's really over isn't it?" Ross finally realized it. On some level he knew it all along, he just refused to admit it, but now he had to.   
  
Just the tone in his voice broke her heart. But she just couldn't love someone that hurt her so badly. "Ross, it's over, it's been over since the minute you walked out of my life." She tried to hold back her tears as she screamed at him..  
  
Just go…go get Joey." With those words his soul became hollow and his heart melted... because he knew her being happy meant being with Joey…not him. He tried not to sound angry, but he was. It hurt so much. It hurt so much he wanted to cry, scream, anything that could have possibly made him feel better.  
  
She rushed out the door immediately, despite the tears and heart break in Ross' eyes. She didn't care. She loved him and he hurt her. And now, she loved someone else, and he may have ruined her chance to be happy for the first time since Ross left. She hated him for that. Maybe she should be grateful to Ross for finally understanding and letting her live her life. But then again, why should she be grateful to him? She would have been grateful had he not left her, she would have been grateful had he not come back and proposed, she would have been grateful if hadn't tried to ruin what her and Joey could have had, she would have been grateful if he would have let her go so they could at least be friends. All these things she would have been grateful to Ross for, and he did exactly the opposite. She was not about to thank him for, in the first time in months, not being selfish, for caring about someone but himself. No, that was not something worthy of thanks.  
  
She got up and rushed out the door in search of Joey, with every emotion imaginable pulsating through her veins. She was scared that he might be angry at her for what happened with her and Ross, angry that he stormed out without giving her the chance to explain, excited that after all this time, her and Joey could finally be together. She tried to ignore all that as she sprinted through the streets and into the coffee house, where Monica, Chandler, and Phoebe were sitting.  
  
"Where's Joey? Is he here? Where'd he go?" She panted as she flew over to the couch.  
  
"What going on?" Monica asked. "He was here a few minutes ago and as soon as he saw us, he walked out. Without saying a word."  
  
"Yeah, last we knew, he was going to go talk to you" Phoebe added.  
  
"Oh, my God." Rachel rubbed her forehead.  
  
"What?" Chandler inquired.  
  
"What exactly did he tell you guys?" Rachel nervously questioned them.  
  
"He was really upset and he wanted to tell you that he just wants to be friends , but I think he just wanted this whole thing to be over with. It was really killing him to see it hurt you so much."  
  
"That doesn't make sense." Rachel thought out loud.  
  
"What doesn't?" Chandler asked.  
  
"If he was just going to tell me he wants to be friends, even if it was just to get this whole thing over with, why would he get so upset when he saw Ross and I kissing?"  
  
"You and Ross were kissing? You chose Ross?" Phoebe shouted, shocked. She was almost sure she would have chosen Joey after what Ross did.  
  
"No! I didn't choose Ross. We were kissing because…well…I…the reason is…we…" She plopped down on the couch, deep in thought. "I guess I still do have feelings for Ross, but I just don't love him…I can't love him anymore…but I will miss him." She paused. "But I do know that I want to be with Joey." She thought out loud.  
  
"But that's not the point." Rachel changed the subject. "Why was he so upset when he saw Ross and I? If he was going to tell me he just wanted to be friends, then he had to be prepared for Ross and I getting back together."   
  
"Unless…" Monica began as everyone looked at her for the solution. "Unless he saw you two together and became insanely jealous and decided he couldn't stand to see you together." She smiled in triumph.  
  
"Wait…if he can't stand to see us together then…" Rachel gasped.  
  
"Oh, my God!" Monica realized where she was going with this.  
  
"Go find him!" Phoebe shouted. Rachel rushed out of the coffee house, having no idea where to go, just desperately wandering the city.  
  
"You guys don't really think Joey will leave over this, do you?" Chandler asked after Rachel left.  
  
"Chandler you saw how upset he was." Phoebe reminded him. "He really loves her, and he's NEVER actually loved anyone before."  
  
"I know he hasn't and that's why I can't believe any of this." He shook his head in concern.  
  
***2 hours later***  
  
"Monica!" Rachel shouted, flying through the door. "Has Joey been here?"  
  
"No." She answered.  
  
"Monica, I have searched everywhere in the city I could think of and I can't find him anywhere!" She sobbed. "Oh, God, Monica, what if he's gone?"  
  
"Rachel, I'm sure he'll be back. He probably just needed time to cool off." She said whatever popped into her mind. Anything that could possibly help calm her panicked friend.  
  
"What if he doesn't come back?" She hypothetically suggested.  
  
"Are you sure you looked everywhere?" Chandler asked. Rachel nodded. "So you've checked every place within a ten mile radius that sells sandwiches, right?" He tried to lighten the mood.  
  
"Chandler, shut up!" Monica shouted.  
  
"Wait, maybe you're right. Maybe he just needed time to cool off and then he went back to the apartment!" Rachel perked up. She shot out of her seat and once again bolted out of the coffee house.  
  
She paused momentarily as she stood in front of the apartment door, silently praying that he would be sitting inside waiting for her. She inhaled deeply and hesitantly twisted the doorknob. She pushed the door open slowly to find an empty apartment. Her face twisted in disappointment and she felt like crying.  
  
"Joey?" She thought she heard a noise from the bedroom and slowly headed toward it. "Oh Joey, thank God you're here." She let out a sigh of relief as she saw him standing beside his bed.. "I really need to…" She began, but cut herself off as she saw the half-full suitcase lying in front of him on the bed.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Sooooo…intrigued to find out what happens? Review what I have so far and I might consider posting the next chapter sooner!! Hehehe 


	8. The Confession

"Joey what's going on?" She tried to deny the painful truth.  
  
"Rach, I'm sorry. I thought I could just stay here and learn to get over you…but seeing you with Ross…I…I just can't do that."  
  
"Where are you going to go?"  
  
"I don't know. I guess I'll stay with my mom for a while I look for a place."  
  
"Joey, please don't do this…please don't go." She whimpered.  
  
"Rach, I just have to. I can't stay. It hurts too much." He grabbed his bag and just kept walking, despite her tears. He didn't want to go. That was the last thing he wanted. But he knew if he didn't, he would go crazy. He could see in her tears the pain he was causing her, and tried to ignore it as his eyes began to well up.  
  
"Joey, just wait. Can't we talk about this? Please?"  
  
"Rachel, there is nothing to talk about." He became frustrated. He just wanted to leave and get it over with before he changed his mind, which he was getting closer and closer to with every tear that rolled down her cheek.  
  
"I just need to tell you that…" She began, pausing to wipe the uncontrollable waterfall of sorrow from her cheeks. Joey couldn't stand to see her this way, so he rushed past her and out the door, shutting it behind him.  
  
"Joey wait!" She shouted at the door that had been slammed in her face. She rested her hands on her knees to try to let out the sobs she had so desperately been trying to hold in. She eventually had gotten herself under control and yanked the door open and practically flew through Chandler and Monica's door. She crawled out the window and stood outside, desperately hoping she wasn't too late. Finally, she spotted him, about to get into a cab.  
  
"Joey! Please, wait!" She yelled at the top of her lungs. He looked up at her in astonishment.  
  
"Rachel, what are you doing?"  
  
"Please, don't go. I have to tell you something first."  
  
"Rachel, please just let me go. Please."  
  
"No, I can't have you go away angry at me like this."  
  
"I'm not mad at you, Rach. I understand. I just don't want to get hurt anymore." He opened the cab door.  
  
"Damn it, Joey. Would you listen to me? I need to tell you something!" She shouted to him.  
  
"Fine, Rach. What do you want to tell me?" He asked, frustrated.  
  
"I love you Joey!" She shouted angrily in frustration of his impatience. She didn't even realize what she was saying until it was too late.  
  
"What?" He asked, holding his breath, not sure if he was imagining this.  
  
"That is what I have been trying to tell you, but you didn't give me the chance. I just talked to Ross and I figured something out. I don't love Ross. Not anymore." She smiled, afraid of how he might react. "I love you." She repeated, this time knowing exactly what she was saying, and meaning every word of it.  
  
He just looked at her in disbelief. He had imagined this moment over and over in his head, and never fathomed it could be this perfect.  
  
"Don't move." He shouted to her and ran into the building. After what seemed like an eternity to Rachel, she finally heard the muffled sound of the apartment door and she let out a sigh of relief.  
  
He crawled through the window and hastily walked over to where she was standing. He held her head gently in his hands as he kissed her passionately.  
  
"I love you too." He uttered softly.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
So, do you like it? Kinda short I know, but that was where I wanted to end the chapter and I couldn't think of anything else to stick in there to beef it up a little so…there ya go. I'm not done with it yet just so you know. I think I'm going to put in one or maybe two more chapters. So please review!!!! 


	9. Dealing With Loss

"Hey." Ross greeted Chandler and Monica as he walked in the apartment with disappointment obvious in his tone. He quicklly scanned the apartment.  
  
"Good, Rahcel's not here." Monica gave him a questioning glance. " I just wanted to talk to you about this whole thing." He plopped down on a chair with his back to the window. He cupped his head in his hands and felt like his heart had been ripped out of his chest. He wondered to himslef if he could ever love again. He knew what he felt for Rachel was real, it had to be. He had never felt that way even with Carol. Of anyone he had ever been with, he thought this would be it. He thought she was the one, and now he'd ruined it. He'd made his bed and now he had to lay in it. He had to lay in it and helplessly watch as the one person he thought he ever truly loved fell in love with someone else.  
  
"Uhhh...Ross, what do you say we go get some coffee?" Monica tried to pursuade him to leave before he saw Rachel and Joey outside. She knew it would kill him to see them together now. Of course, he knew they would eventually get together, but he didn't have to see it now. He was still in so much pain. Anyone with brain cells could have detected that.  
  
"No, thanks. I don't really feel like going anywhere right now."That last hing he wantd was to go out. To go have fun. To forget. He didn't want to forget his love for her, because it made him the happiest he'd ever been. But, then again, it made him feel the worst he had ever felt in his life also.  
  
"Oh, Ross. I know how hard this must be on you, but you have to let her go." Monica sat on his lap, rubbing his back.  
  
"I'm trying, I've been trying ever since the day I left, and I just can't." He had hoped talking to his friends would make him feel even the least bit better, but it didn't. How could it? How could anything possibly help? He didn't want anything to help. He didn't want to stop loving her. Deep down he hoped and prayed that this was all a dream, that he would wake up any minute now to find Rachel laying next him.  
  
"Ross, I know you loved her." Chandler chimed in. "And she loved you too. But that was a long time ago. I'm sorry, Ross, but it's over. But don't act like she's the only one you can ever love. There are always more women out there. She's just not the right one for you. But someday, you will find the right one." Chandler pulled him out of the chair and into a hug.  
  
"Hey, what's going on?" Phoebe said, entering the apartment, seeing Chandler and Ross in their coforting embrace, Ross seemingly on the verge of tears, although she pretty much knew what must of happened. She felt awful for Ross, more so than any of the others. She knew exactly what he was going through. She knew loss better than anyone else. She remembered what she went through when her mother died and still to this day wondered how she ever made through, how she ever made it this far. What Ross was feeling now was unfathomable to her. At least when she lost her mother, it wasn't like she had a choice. In Ross' case, Rachel would always be right there in front of him, with another man, and there would be absolutely nothing he could ever do about it, and knowing it was his fault. It would be like reliving the pain every time he saw her, and Phoebe couldn't imagine how hard that must be on him. Knowing, just weeks ago she was his, and now... "What's wrong?" She repeateed herself when noone seemed to hear her.  
  
"The porch." Monica said excitedy and pointed through the window at Rachel and Joey, momentarily forgetting all about Ross, and gasped once she remembered Ross hadn't seen them out there yet. Chandler glared at her when he saw the look on Ross' face.  
  
"Oh, Ross. Come here." Phoebe held out her arms, but he just walked right past her.  
  
"No, no. I'm fine." He headed for the door.  
  
"Ross, wait." Phoebe pleaded. "Don't go."  
  
"No! I don't want to be here right now."  
  
"Well then we'll go out. I know you don't want to be alone at a time like this. Just talk to us. Maybe we can help. Please, Ross."  
  
"Fine." She was right. He didn't want to be alone. It hurt tooo much.  
  
"Okay, let's go down to the coffee house." They all nodded in agreement. "Looks like those two wanna be alone anyway." She giggled as she stared out the window. Ross glared at her. "Sorry, that's probably not helping."  
  
"Now, about Rachel..." Phobe began once they had all gotten their coffee and made their way to the all too familiar apricot couch.  
  
"Do we really have to talk about that?" Ross whined.  
  
"Yes. Because keeping all your emotions bottled up inside is not going to help you get over her." Phoebe insisted.  
  
"Hey, I think I can handle it on my own." He raised his voice at her. He was offended at the tone of her voice that suggested he was incompatent of dealing with it on his own.  
  
"Why won't you just let us help you?" Phoebe became frustrated. "It's not like we're trying to bring up bad memories or make you feel worse about it, we just want you to get over her."  
  
"Well, maybe I don't want to." He shouted.  
  
"You don't have a choice." She yelled back at him, and the realization finally hit him. It was in fact over. He looked like he could cry.  
  
"Ross, why is this so hard for you anyway? You've been married and divorced to two other women and it was never this hard."  
  
"Because I know that I loved her and I know I still do. With Carol and Emily, I don't know if I ever really loved them, and even if I did, it faded over time, but I never stopped loving Rachel. I still love her as much as I did the first time I saw her."He admitted as the three looked at him in pity.  
  
"But Ross, she doesn't love you...not anymore. That's why you have to get over her, you can't just spend the rest of you life loving someone that doesn't love you. That's no way to live. You have to move on. You'll find soemone else. You're a great guy and I know it'll happen for you." Monica comforted him.  
  
"I guess you guys are right." He sighed.  
  
"Finally." Phoebe sighed. "And anytime you need to talk about it, we're always here for you." She rubbed his arm.  
  
"Thanks, Pheebs."  
  
"So are you okay?" Chandler asked.  
  
"I will be." Ross nodded with a weak smile and left the coffee house.  
  
  
  
  
Well, one more chapter and I think I'll be done!! I'll try to make it good! I have some ideas in mind that would make a pretty good ending for it, so keep checking back! Thanx for all your reviews! 


	10. The End

I don't own the song Is This Love by Whitesnake. Well, this is the last chapter everyone! I spent weeks on this chapter trying to make it just the way I wanted it but it still sucks, but I'll let you be the judge of that! Please review!!  
  
  
"Oh, my God. What did I do? What am I going to do?" Ross nervously mumbled to himself as he awkwardly stumbled about the city, heading for the apartment building. He was ashamed of what he'd done, the way he'd treated Rachel. He hated himself for his selfishness. He couldn't believe how he'd acted, and didn't know how he could possibly expect Rachel to understand. Looking back on it all, he wondered if she could ever forgive him.   
  
He begged and pleaded persistently for days despite her tears. He saw her pain, but it didn't matter. He looked right past it. He was so concerned with himself, so infatuated with the idea of calling her his own, he didn't even take the time to think about how she felt. He loved her too much to let her go. At that time, he didn't realize that love was all about wanting that person t be happy more than yourself. Now he knew this, but it may be too late.  
  
He circled the block time and time again desperately scouring his mind for words that could justify his behavior and get his friend back. Finally, he decided there was nothing in the world he could say to make what he did okay. He just had to tell her how sorry he was and hope she could find it in her heart to forgive him. He finally brought himself to enter the building and ran up the stairs, still torturing himself with his thoughts.  
  
"Oh, Rach, sorry. I wasn't paying attention. Thank God you two are here. I really need to talk to you." He accidentally bumped into her in the hall.  
  
'Well, actually, Ross, we have dinner reservations in fifteen minutes." She replied coldly, avoiding eye contact. She wanted so much not to be mad at him, to be able to put this whole thing behind them, to have her friend back. She knew he loved her, that he never meant to hurt her, but he did. And it still hurt too much to forgive that easily, no matter how much she wished she could.   
  
"Oh." He paused, feeling the jealousy pierce his heart. "Well, it can wait."  
  
"Ross, you know, I think we all have some things to work out. Why don't you come with us to dinner and we can talk." Joey suggested. He could see the heartbreak in Ross' eyes, knowing all too well how that felt, and knowing the last thing he wanted was to be alone. Joey knew he felt horrible about losing Rachel and for how he acted, and wanted to give him his chance to make it right.  
  
"Oh, I don't want to intrude on your date." Ross said.  
  
"Ross, please." Joey insisted. Ross nodded. Rachel felt like she could scream. She assumed Ross just wanted to beg for her to take him back again. She was far too angry to realize that he wanted to apologize.  
  
The three of them sat there, desperately waiting for their food to arrive so they could just get it over with and go home. They sat there in silence, waiting for someone to be bold and say something.   
  
Ross must have tried a thousand times that night to just spit the words out, but just couldn't do it. Every time he saw Rachel's face, all he could see was the grief he had caused her. He tried to convince himself that he was just waiting for the right moment, but deep down he knew he was waiting for the moment he could finally get a word out of his mouth at all. The whole thing seemed pointless to him. What good would apologizing do?   
  
Joey sat there, looking at Rach, then Ross. Rach, then Ross. The tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife and he was waiting for the full fledged brawl to break out. He could see how angry Rachel was, he could almost feel it.   
  
Rachel tried to contain her anger which just seemed to grow with every glance at him. She hated him for just sitting there, for being such a coward. For not even saying what he come and ruined their first date to say. He looked so pathetic, so hurt, she almost felt sorry for him. She just wanted him to say anything.  
  
"Rach, I just, I just want to tell you that I'm sorry." He finally broke the silence. "I'm sorry for leaving you. I'm sorry for coming back into your life. I'm sorry for being selfish. I'm sorry for making you cry. I'm sorry for everything, Rach. Everything. I wish I could take it all back. I know now that you and I are over. I can learn to accept hat. But I know that I could never accept the fact that you and I will never be friends again. I know what I did was horrible, but I will do anything if you and I can just go back to being friends. I know I couldn't live without having you as a friend." He admitted genuinely.  
  
"Wh-wha---I thought you were coming here to beg for me to take you back again." She was completely taken by surprise.  
  
"Trust me, if I thought it would do any good…" He laughed a little. I will always love you, Rach, But that's just not enough. So all I want is for you to be happy."  
  
"Really? Do you really mean that?" She asked.  
  
"I do." He admitted, looking into her eyes, taking one last look at what he knew he would miss for the rest of his life. She immediately flew out of her chair and yanked him into a hug.   
  
"Thank-you." She tried to hold back her tears. "Thank you so much for understanding." She cried, resting her head on his shoulder.  
  
"No...no, thank-you for not hating me." He joked. Joey smiled, overjoyed that it was finally over. He could see how upset Rachel was before, and knew with Ross and her friends again, she would be just fine.   
  
"Joey, I owe you an apology too." Ross said once he and Rachel finally parted from their long overdue embrace.  
  
"Ross, no you don't. I understand."   
  
"Yes, I do" He insisted. "I treated you just as badly as I did her. I forgot for a minute there that we were friends and I'm sorry." He apologized. Joey hugged him as a sign of forgiveness and consolation.  
  
"So are you okay?" Rachel asked, just to make sure they could now put this whole thing behind them.  
  
"Yeah." He smiled in confirmation. He felt better just knowing he had his friend back.  
  
"I mean…about…this?" She put her arm around Joey. She was a little worried still that their relationship might not go over very well with him. She knew better than anyone that it took time to get over someone, and she thought seeing them with someone else must be unbearable.  
  
"Yeah." He lied, forcing a smile. He knew he could eventually manage to get over her completely, but it would take time, a lot of time. He didn't want to upset her anymore, so he felt it best to just hide his true feelings until he really could say he was over her. He had had plenty of experience hiding feelings, he did it for ten years with Rachel.  
  
That was it. That was why he couldn't get over her. He had devoted ten years of his life to being completely in love with her. He could barely remember life without loving Rachel. He didn't know how to live without loving her. But now, for the first time, he knew the obsession must end. Now he knew for a fact that Rachel didn't love him, and he couldn't go on like that. He couldn't love someone who didn't love him. Not anymore.  
  
"So we're all friends again right?" Joey asked in conformation.  
  
"Yeah, we are." Rachel smiled at Ross.  
  
"So you guys want to go see a movie after dinner?" Joey suggested.  
  
"Sure that would be great." Rachel replied after Ross nodded.  
  
Ross sat there in the theater for two hours almost in tears. He knew it was immature and pathetic and senseless to feel this way, but there was no stopping it. He just wanted to stop loving her, to be able to move on. That, was what scared him. What if he could never love anyone else?  
  
"Hey, Ross, you wanna come to our place for a while, there's a South Park marathon on tonight!" He offered excitedly.  
  
"Oh, please, Ross, save me!" Rachel joked.  
  
"No thanks." He replied half-heartedly.  
  
"Are you okay?" Rachel asked. She knew the answer to that, but it hurt her to know how much pain she was causing him and that there was nothing she could do about it. She couldn't force herself to love him.  
  
"I'm fine. I just need to be alone for a while." He reported.  
  
"Okay, but if you need us, feel free to come over." Joey offered.  
  
"Thanks."   
  
"See you tomorrow!" They said in unison as they entered the apartment building, wrapped in each other's arms.  
  
Ross walked for what seemed like days, just feeling sorry for himself, not knowing what to do about it. He hadn't the slightest idea where he was heading, he just didn't want to go home, not yet. He eventually reached a small convenience store and decided to stop in for coffee. He walked over to the coffee machine and grabbed a Styrofoam cup. He was just reaching for the French Vanilla Cappuccino when another cup met his.  
  
"Oh, sorry. Go ahead." A woman's voice offered.  
  
"No that's ok, you go." Ross insisted. The woman smiled at him and poured her coffee.  
  
When Ross was leaving the store, he didn't notice that same woman fumbling around in her purse and swung the door open in her face, causing her to drop her cappuccino.  
  
"Oh, my God. I'm sorry." He apologized.  
  
"That's ok. My fault…shouldn't have been standing in front of the door."  
  
"Let me buy you another coffee. " He suggested.  
  
"Oh, you don't have to."   
  
"French Vanilla, right?" He joked.  
  
"How'd you guess?" He laughed. When he returned with the coffee, they sat at the back of the store, where they were tables.  
  
"Ross Geller." He introduced himself as they sat down.  
  
"Kerri Walker."   
  
"That name sounds familiar, do I know you?"  
  
"I doubt it, I just moved here form Reno."  
  
"Oh, really?"  
  
"Yeah, my first day at work, which was a nightmare by the way." She laughed at her own misfortune.  
  
"Oh, what is it that you do?" He asked.  
  
"I teach over at the college a few blocks away."  
  
"That's where I know you from!" Ross shouted. She looked at him questioningly. "I work at that college. A friend told me about you."   
  
"Great! Now I can say I know someone at work." She smiled.  
  
"Hey it's starting to snow." Ross commented as he looked out the window. "That's a change." He paused. "Change. That's exactly what I need right now." He thought out loud.  
  
"I know what you mean. Maybe it'll bring us good luck." She smiled at him.  
  
***  
  
"Oh, my God! It's three thirty!" Ross shouted, looking at his watch.  
  
"Really?" She asked. "I should go, I have to work in the morning. So I guess I'll see you there." She smiled.  
  
"Yeah. But, if I don't happen to run into you, we're still on for Saturday, right?" He asked.  
  
"Yeah." She nodded excitedly. They stood there for a few moment, looking into one another's eyes. Ross pushed away a strand of long blonde hair form her face. She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him into a passionate kiss that would change his life forever  
  
Is this love that I'm feeling  
  
Is this the love that I've been searching for  
  
Is this love or am I dreaming  
  
This must be love  
  
Cuz it's really got a hold on me  
  
Hold on me 


End file.
